


Split It Nine Ways

by Ilthit



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: 1 Sentence Fiction, 3 Sentence Fiction, F/F, F/M, M/M, Microfic, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-20
Updated: 2013-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-20 19:07:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/890784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilthit/pseuds/Ilthit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every pairing between the main nine cast members of Community, told in one-sentence fics with a smattering of three-sentence fics. Yes, that includes Pierce/Chang. </p><p>You're welcome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Split It Nine Ways

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tootsiemuppet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tootsiemuppet/gifts).



> One of these contains non-con. It's marked separately within the text. 
> 
> Creepiness is not warned for, but implied by character choice.

1\. Jeff/Annie: Scenario

 

Abed must have rubbed off on him because he can imagine her clear as day on the other side of the family law courtroom: neat pale blue skirt and jacket, dark hair framing a tired face, fiddling with her Star of David while the judge bangs order to begin their divorce hearing.

 

 

2\. Jeff/Shirley: Tomcat 

 

He should have asked her out when she was just getting over Andre, only he'd been scared of kids and tied up with Slater and Britta and, God, Annie; now Shirley was coming to school with a spring in her step because apparently the stripper had taught Andre a thing or two, and Jeff would just have to learn how to focus.

 

 

3\. Jeff/Pierce: Back In the Day

 

Pierce could tell what was going on with Jeff because he had been young and handsome once himself, instead of mature and handsome like he was now, and he'd had the odd gay boy follow him around with big doe eyes before until Pierce had had to humiliate the guy just so people didn't think he was, you know; it wasn't because he wouldn't have, it was just the way it had to be. 

 

 

4\. Jeff/Troy: Shower Scene

 

Locker room etiquette was a bit of a mystery to Jeff (he'd been the kind of kid who'd steal the ball from his own team, and consequently made no friends in gym class), so he thought it safe not to say anything when he caught Troy looking. 

 

 

5\. Jeff/Abed: Freshman Year 

 

Abed ran the scenario over and over, played it out on the dorm room ceiling above his bunk bed until it went the way he wanted it to: Abed hanging out with all his new friends, studying and getting into tropey college adventures and not hitting on any straight guys in tight shirts who had magic words and smelled like lemongrass.

 

 

6\. Jeff/Britta: Dignity

 

At first the great thing about sex with Jeff was that she was angry with him, and you don't have to care how stupid you look when you're about to come or what anybody thinks about your tattoo when you're focused on making your partner look twice as stupid; it's when you start to care that it gets scary.  

 

 

7\. Jeff/Dean: Graduation Wedding Night (three sentences)

 

Craig may have been a harmless pervert who could develop a kink for old tin cans if given half a reason, but like any Don Quixote with a Dulcinea, he was there for the wanting, not the having. Jeff knew this, and it was why he'd taken Craig to bed almost as soon as he was no longer a student. It had been a purely tactical move to diffuse the awkward stalking situation; he hadn't expected it to be so much fun.

 

 

8\. Jeff/Chang: Just a Little Longer

 

After nearly ten minutes, Jeff was no longer sure if the man rubbing his face on Jeff's pecs was Kevin or Chang, but it was becoming clear that neither of them understood the boundary between a hug and a fondling session. 

 

 

9\. Annie/Shirley: Sexuality

 

Annie's got it all figured out, right down to the kind of blue underwear she'll be wearing at her wedding to some faceless Mr Right, and besides, Shirley is her friend, and friends don't think about nuzzling their faces in their friends' bosoms and just resting there forever. 

 

 

10\. Annie/Pierce: Contain Multitudes

 

They were all adults here, and Pierce for one didn't find any conflict between thinking of Annie as the estranged daughter he'd never had and also a lush little vixen just waiting to be popped.

 

 

11\. Annie/Troy: No Prizes

 

She had worked so hard and she had made it, she was valedictorian and she was a cheerleader and she was class president and all she wanted was for the prom king to take her in his arms and tell her she'd done well; hadn't she earned that?

 

 

12\. Annie/Abed: Matching 

 

He doesn't want to mess her up and he knows that their patterns don't really match, but it's so easy to make them match and she's so pretty and malleable that sometimes he just can't help himself.

 

 

13\. Annie/Britta: T-Shirts and Takeout

 

Britta has always been consistently, persistently, frustratingly heterosexual no matter how hard she's tried to be open to all possibilities, so she really couldn't tell you why this game of late night gay chicken is already the best sex she's had in years.

 

 

14\. Annie/Dean: It Might Work

 

"I'll play Jeff if you will." 

 

 

15\. Annie/Chang: Grace and Power

 

They were two dances away from winning the Latin Heat dance trophy for Greendale, and Annie, so help her, finally understood where Alessandra was coming from.

 

 

16\. Shirley/Pierce: Trappings

 

He knew just how to treat a lonely woman with a lot of stress to work out -- a nice wining and dining, some quality time in a therapeutic jacuzzi, a glass of champagne, Barry White sweetening the air in the background -- it would do her a world of good, if only she'd give him the chance.

 

 

17\. Shirley/Troy: Eye-Candy

 

Shirley likes grown men, men with plenty of life experience and the maturity that it brings, and Troy may be 23 but that's still more than ten years younger than her so he really should put his shirt back on now.

 

 

18\. Shirley/Abed: Skin to Skin

 

"You humble me, too," she said, and his hand was warm in hers, and after that (however she may have tried) she never thought of him as a child again.

 

 

19\. Shirley/Britta: Fight It Out

 

By the time Shirley recognized the flush on Britta's cheeks and remembered what particular trigger to sin-temptation they both had, the argument had taken on its own momentum and she just had to hope and pray they ended up crying and hugging instead of rolling on the ground doing something wholly un-Christian.

 

 

20\. Shirley/Dean: It Would Look Better On My Bedroom Floor

 

No-one was more surprised than Shirley when it turned out the Dean really did like her in that gown, and it wasn't just a ploy to get the dressmaker's name.

 

 

21\. Shirley/Chang: Please

 

It was partly the way his little face lit up when he thought they'd made a connection, partly their impending deaths at the hands of zombies, and partly the thought of dying without ever having another orgasm, but mostly it was just that Chang was  _really_  good at begging. 

 

 

22\. Pierce/Troy: Quote Houseguest Unquote (three sentences)

 

Pierce had told Troy a dozen times he was okay with him being gay and supported his lifestyle choice, that Troy could stay at the mansion as long as he liked, and that he reminded Pierce of himself when he was younger. What more did it take to get the message through? It was enough to drive anyone to terrorize a guy with a decorative troll.

 

 

23\. Pierce/Abed: Strike Six (three sentences)

 

"You think Troy is gay, so you inferred we were a couple and I must be into guys too," said Abed before Pierce had even finished sitting down next to him on the bench facing the water fountain, "so now that he's away in the AC repair school, you think you'd give me a shot since everybody else in the group has already rejected you."

 

"Not if you're going to take all the fun out of it."

  
"Sorry."

 

 

24\. Pierce/Britta: A Sobering Thought 

 

There was softness and muted light everywhere in the blanket fort and Britta was pretty high on Paradox's weed, which was only one step up from Starburns's weed, and Pierce was laughing somewhere behind a veil of his own smoke on the other side of the Turkish bar, and it hit her that if she'd been a young woman in 1970 she would totally have fucked him.

 

 

25\. Pierce/Dean: Kink Trigger (three sentences)

 

"What?" Pierce snapped when he caught the Dean's sharp intake of breath. The leather of his Pulp Fiction birthday outfit was riding his crack, it was nearly 4 am, and he had no patience left for early risers. "It's from a movie."

 

 

26\. Pierce/Chang: Pride

 

"I can't help it, I'm not over you, let's be best friends again" -- magic words that could have fixed everything and maybe led to late night drinks, manly hugs, and rolling around on the tiger skin before the fire -- and which neither of them would ever say.

 

 

27\. Troy/Abed: Slash Fiction

 

Abed figured the reason Troy liked to kiss right after they'd done a bit was because he wanted to be reassured that Abed wanted to kiss Troy, too, and not just Reggie or Kickpuncher or Spider-Man, and that was cool; he totally did.

 

 

28\. Troy/Britta: An Education

 

Some of the sex was completely amazing and some of it was really awkward but all of it was eye-opening, and her toy box made him wish really hard that he'd never set eye on Pierce's special gym.

 

 

29\. Troy/Dean: The Smell of Worn Leather and Sweat

 

It wasn't that Craig hadn't noticed that Troy Barnes was a well-built young man, it just didn't feel right to let your eye wander towards one of the best friends of your subtextual future boyfriend, and besides, in high school jocks like Troy had given Craig all manner of grief when he hadn't been able to vault over the pommel horse and oh dear now he was thinking about it.

 

 

30\. Troy/Chang: Introduction to Public Humiliation (non-con)

 

Troy didn't want to be at this dance, at least not while wearing this electric blue pantsuit and getting his cheeks fondled by Señor Chang, and it didn't help that under any other circumstances he would have been totally down with this kind of quality butt fondling.

 

 

31\. Abed/Britta: Troy Gets It

 

She wanted to help him and he let her try -- he liked the attention, and he liked seeing her happy -- but there were things he could do for her, too, when the self-hate got so bad she just needed someone like him to love her, if only for a while.

 

 

32\. Abed/Dean: Ruining My Pretend Romance

 

Story of his life -  Craig had thought that if anyone would want to roleplay hardboiled detectives and tragic damsels with him, it would be Abed (and didn't he look dashing in that suit and hat), but apparently he'd missed some memo and paintball just wasn't cool anymore. 

 

 

33\. Abed/Chang: Kevin Is A Choice

 

Ben had never been that good at compartmentalizing, and it took him a while to figure out the funny feeling he got whenever he remembered that Abed knew about the plot and still wanted to be his friend.

 

 

34\. Britta/Dean: Why Must Everyone Be So Pretty

 

Craig wanted success for all Greendale students, but if he was entirely honest, he did not like Britta Perry -- she was abrasive, loud and distractingly sexy in high heels worn with tight jeans, not to mention that her feminism was parroting second wave soundbites with no regard to intersectionality.

 

 

35\. Britta/Chang: I Knew You'd Come (three sentences)

 

Every muscle in her body was vibrating, an after-effect of the taser pulse. She'd made her stand and she had no choices left, nothing she could be expected to do now but lie back and let Chang oppress her. He carried her away and she clung to him like a child.

 

 

36\. Dean/Chang: Downsides of Blind Dates in the Sitcom Genre

 

"Well, this is awkward," seemed an inadequate expression for a situation where a Dean finds out his FetLife hook-up is also a Changnesiac who once locked him up in the school and tried to kill everyone, especially if this only becomes apparent when one of their masks slips post-coitum.

 

 

 


End file.
